So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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