When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
