Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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