I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
