I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
