Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
