im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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