I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
