so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
