I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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