Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
