cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
where am i from again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Randomize
