No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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