names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
