Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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