you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
