I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
