I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
