He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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