margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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