The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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