my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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