Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
