There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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