I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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