I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
