God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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