I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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