can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
