...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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