Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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