girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
