theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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