I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
