i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
