Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
