I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
