dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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