i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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