Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
