I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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