Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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