He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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