i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
