Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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