wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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