i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize