I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
