He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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