Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
