Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
