wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
