the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize