Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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