mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
