i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
