I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
