i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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